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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when Iām sober.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar