Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.