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It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.