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Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.