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Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
If the shoe fits, buy it.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.