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Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
Never trust a skinny chef
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.