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Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.