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I saw that! - Karma
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?