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If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.