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I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.