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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
So can we just skip to summer now?
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
Hash browns not tags.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.