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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.