Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.