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I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor