Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish, just once, I could actually hit the pedestrian crossing the road slow with the "what`re gonna do, hit me" look on their face.
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!