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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.