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Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
pudding... thats always a funny word
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.