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I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?