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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?