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I`m always surprised how quickly "you`re so funny" turns into "everything is a fcuking joke to you." (usually about 3 months)
Jesus is coming.... look busy
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?