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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.