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My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.