Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
I was born at a very early age.
Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.