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I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.