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Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.