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Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.