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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.