Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.