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Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.