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On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
Running behind is my cardio.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!