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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.