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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.