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I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.