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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF