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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
Never, ever ask a woman if she`s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.