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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...