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If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.