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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)