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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
There may be no excuse for laziness, but Iβm still looking.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
I wonder what happens when a doctorβs wife eats an apple a day.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"