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i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Hold boobs not grudges.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
There better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.