Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
Alcohol goes in ... Happiness comes out.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.