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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
I dare you to spit on this status.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.